To Beat a Dead Horse

As I venture farther and farther into the depths of the online dating world, I've noticed that it's cool now for very young men to date women in their 30's. FINALLY, society is turning a corner. As best I can tell, this youngin' is looking for some career advice in exchange for sex (or am I just overly optimistic there) and a lesson on how to produce beer that can kill large animals. Jim Jones in training?

He writes, "If you were ever interested in having a creative fling with a spunky and ridiculous 23 year old, now's your chance

Mold me into a better stop motion animator and I'll teach you how to make beer that will make a horse giggle, whinny, roll over, and die"

Date or Delete...hard to say. I'll see how desperate 2010 feels next week.

Serious Single

Ike reached out to me today in the most of unusual ways. 

"My name is Ike. I am mr serious single very long 5 years now not play game I am mr serious good person angel. Are you serious single ?. I'm sit don't have lady dating there plentyoffish .I live alone in Brooklyn,NY 11216. If You do thinking we are good weak match angel faith. Sound ms are you serious nice person caucasinan good match me mr black relationship or dating ?. I'm not looking no single black women someone Brooklyn and NYC. Your place NYC to Brooklyn like 15 or 20 mins near us."

Well, Ike...me not serious single angel faith, nor want mr serious person angel relationship - DELETE.

The Group Date

My friend (you know who you are) invited me out to meet his available guy friend in the music industry. However, said guy was celebrating his birthday that evening. With, I might add, 80 of his closest rocker friends. After being smothered by celebrators trying to buy frothy beverages at the bar. Yes, I was the fool sitting at the bar blocking the thirsty. It was time for me to count this one as a temporary loss and head out.

Not sure if this should be considered a date...but, it ended with me sitting down to a private dinner for one and then straight to bed alone. So, it does end like all of my other dates.

Delete for now.

The Quick Getaway

The first good date to report. And, it's a milestone because this guy was normal, dressed cute, fun, intelligent, engaged (not to another women, but interested in the conversation) and employed. He even won the bonus round by owning his own apartment in the West Village. Ding. Ding. Ding.

After three hours of chatting, we leave the bar and stroll down to the corner. I casually let him know I would be interested in another date sometime. ...Should we hug, not hug...okay we're hugging now. Then, he zips across the street and vanishes. Kind of a Twilight moment actually. I'm left there, in the rain, not sure if it was a success or a total ruin.

My coworkers tell me not to write him until three days from now. So, I write him immediately.  We'll see.

Was I deleted?

Sharpie Incident

As a general rule, men shouldn't use photos that include past girlfriends. It's weird. But, even weirder is when said man blacks out the face of an ex girlfriend to repurpose the photo instead of, oh, I don't know, using the CROP tool. Don't be so lazy. Crop out ex lovers online just like you do in real life.  This looks like a face scribbling from The Ring. Not good.

Delete.

Empty is Back Again!

OMG, I received a message this morning from Empty. He's back, again!

To catch you up, he asked me out on a date and then stood me up at the bar. Then, he sent a text message asking me out again a month later and, well, he stood me up. At least that time I didn't leave my house...I was luckily ditched pre-makeup and wardrobe.  Now, he wants to talk on the phone, I'm guessing, so he can stand me up via a different technology.

hmmmmmm, may not delete just yet.

Low Expectations

I swear I'm kind of trying to date. I do want to continue my dating saga of a blog. That being said, I get some weirdo on Plenty of Fish who writes to let me know the following "you want a straight guy that will take you to a dog show? and he needs to live in manhattan? rethink that equation and you will open up the field to more possibilities...good luck to you but you seem to have pigeon holed yourself..."

I didn't realize finding a male in Manhattan that dates women and likes dogs would be pigeon holing myself. Really, is it too much for a girl to ask for? Seriously, is it?

DELETE!

Too Demanding

 Check.

Received this email from a guy today on OKCupid, he writes "I'm attracted to thin women. Women who are younger than myself with no children at home. I am drawn to a woman who trys to be a good person. She should be ready for a committed relationship." and then he ends it with "She must be a big fan of my acting talent."

Thin, check. Younger than him, oh yeah by decades, check. No children at home, check. Big fan of acting talent...delete.

Plain Exhausting

 HELP!

He is overly manic and very touchy from the get go. He comes in and orders a beer and then tells me the story of how he was knocked unconscious and mugged last week. 12 staples in his head and bruises all over his chest. He orders another beer and then asks if I'd like a refill. Here's the problem...I don't drink anymore. And, I know this makes people uncomfortable and feel they shouldn't either. So, I usually "fake drink" by ordering a faux beer. This place didn't have any, so the bartender recommended a coke in a fancy beer mug when I first arrived there. Well, he snatches it out of my hand and holds it to the light screaming "What is this? Fancy wine? Is this a beer? What's it called?" I'm about to purge "it's a coke!" when he hands it back. Well, I'm freaked out and know I need to down the evidence in case a second interrogation is coming. Which I'm doing when he yelps "lets smoke!"

We quickly slam the drinks and head outside for him to smoke. Abruptly, he decides he needs money from an ATM when he notices a sushi place. He all of the sudden needs sushi and needs it now. I keep telling him I've already eaten and don't want any. Resistance is futile and I'm drug into the tiny restaurant. 

An absolute downward spiral begins at this point with him complaining about the following. 1.) I don't eat what he wants to eat, 2.) I'm like the rest of his failed dates and he'll never do this site again,  3.) he admits he was worried about my looks because my one and only photo was blurry, 4.) he flirted with the two blondes at the table next to us while I was in the bathroom and then 5.) we argued about aliens invading the Earth. Specifically could they even get here and if they did would they show themselves. The answer is yes and probably not.


I'm ready to run, when he says he'll walk me home. WTF? After convincing him I can make it on my own, he then insists that I allow him to reshoot my mug for a better online dating picture. Which he does. But, somehow in the middle of his impromptu photo shoot he runs over and starts making out with me.  I'm not into PDA to begin with, but this is straight up insult to injury. I untangle his tongue from mine and then untangle my evening from his by heading home. 

This is the moment I realized I may never find anyone ever again. What started as a mildly humorous date quickly turned into a deep rooted fear, not of being alone, but of constantly meeting people who are absolutely wrong for me. Luckily, when I got home The Housewives of Atlanta was on and I instantly felt better about my life. DELETE!

Typical Wall Street

I'm Over Here.

Guys out there, pay attention to a little advice I have for you...don't flirt or check out other women while on a date. For the love of god listen to me!

My date walks up and we both know instantly it's not a match. It's actually the equivalent to meeting a stranger in the produce section at your supermarket and deciding to have dinner with them. He knows finance and I know post production and together we know nothing the other wants to hear about. It was a series of defining what you are talking about. Like equity vs Avids. Huh?

Then, the waitress catches his eye and it's on. His flirting is off the chart and I feel I should give her my seat and go grab the drink order for them. Which, I have to admit, even though I know he's not "the one"...or two, or three for that matter, is still highly annoying. I mean come on, I'm right there. And, more so, it's the fact that she knows she could easily walk off with my date. The little lioness in me lost and I hate losing. Even things I don't want. Ugh.

Dating sucks. Delete.